forever-is-too-long

She was nowhere to be seen, People thought they lost her, What they did not understand Is that she never was with them. They just could not comprehend, Or maybe did not want to deal With all the pain and the fear, Which that poor girl used to feel. They will always think of her, As of that scared teenage girl, Who set herself free, When she was only seventeen.

Her Love She loves him, She loves him - insanely much, She cannot go on, without his touch, But he's home trying to love his wife, She listens to music and tries not to cry. She pretends she's ok, For their true love's sake, But it's harder each day Since her mind flies away, To a place where they can Be together again...

Now look at me, what do you see? A cheery, happy girl, who’s free? Who for a dare climbs up the tree? Then I must say – you cannot see. It kills me how everyone is blind, When it comes to a girl with a cheery smile, They fail to notice her broken heart, That she carries inside, fighting the dark. Yes, she’s heartbroken, but not for a guy, She mourns over how he ruined her life Turned her world dim, she’s wondering why, How she gave him the power over her life? She needs to go on, to break free from the past, Turn both their love and their hate into dust And then if she wants to she’ll return at

She feels lost. Lost. He says she does not need to change for him. That she can be herself, no need to pretend to be someone else. He loves her the way she is. But does he really know her? Does he know who she is? No. Does she? No. She lost herself, if she ever was. She's taking shower. Hot water. She wants to understand. To remember, if she ever was cheerful carefree child? Was she? She doesn't know. Yes, as far as she can remember. When did it start? When did she change? She didn't think it affected her this much, but it probably did. Obedience. She used to be a great child for parents to have, and she still is, as far as her parents know.

She lies on the bed, Her thoughts are a mess. She knows not what to do, What will get her through? Through these times that are rough, When her feelings are true. She knew this would be tough But she's fighting it through. She remembers the night When she first met him. He ditched his wife And spent the night with her. No, they didn't have sex, Though they both wanted to What will come next? Neither one knew.

She gave him the last bit of her innocence. The last thing she could use to defend herself agains those who called her 'the devil's child'. The last tiny thing, the only one she, surprisingly, managed to keep for 18 years. She was a virgin. She lost her virginity to him. She wanted to belong to him. She wanted to show him that she is willing to give up the only thing she still had. Deep inside, she knew that she wanted it, also, so that he would stay in her life forever. He would be her fist man. Forever. Sometimes it freaked her out. Never in her life will she be able to discuss her first experience without feeling all the shame over and ove

She has everything she ever dreamed of, Her family, friends; nothing to care for But why does she feel, so extremely lost? Like she doesn’t exist – she’s become a ghost. He came into her life, no “danger” sign, Changed all that she knew, messed with her mind. Taught her to love, and other things too: Stepping over her values, and lying too. Her way through this life, it seemed way too easy, Before she knew him and faced all her issues. They always existed, but some came with him – Making friends with his wife, hiding their sin. She would never have thought, innocent as she was, That in years t

 She sat there, looking at the blade, and thought how the fuck did she get there. To this bathroom floor, in this bar, with these people who she thought were her friends. She thought back to the time when she first tried it, trying to remember her reasons; could she have known then, when she first let the sharp blades of the razor break her skin, looked at the blood bubbling at the cuts, that in a few months she’d be sitting on a dirty floor, completely wasted, looking at the blade, thinking if she could ever stop. She knew the answer. And it scared her. A lot. She would never be able to completely give it up. She knew that no matter how